If your mum’s got a sense of humour – she may enjoy this rather negative portrayal of parenthood.
But make sure she knows you’re joking if you don’t want to offend her on the big day!
They f*** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were f***ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
A cheap Mother’s Day gift – Unknown
Mum, I know I owe you the world
And you deserve no less
But circumstances have unfurled;
I’m in a financial mess.
For Your Mother’s Day party
I write for you this ditty.
My poetry skills are hearty
And cheap, but oh so witty!
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
Don't mention the M-word
Waitrose renames Mother's Day 'You Day' to be more gender neutral
frocky horror show
Are these the worst red carpet wardrobe malfunctions ever?
Three women from one family reveal their different attitudes towards s*x
MUM'S THE WORD
Why IS the date for Mother's Day different in other countries?
NOT ALL WHITE
P**n star who is paid up to £1,400 per shoot was 'labelled a slut' at 14
DIAL IT DOWN
Here's how to dump your phone addiction in 30 days — and get your life back
Mother’s Day threat – Unknown
Mum you know the worst of me, My weaknesses and follies,
I know you’ve seen me poop my pants and cut the heads off dollies,
You know all my most embarrassing moments, You know that I’m a nut,
So what can I do to repay your love… and make sure you keep your mouth shut!?